I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
