I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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