Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
