I didn't shave. On purpose
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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