Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
