I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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