i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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