I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
