Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
