chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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