Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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