i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
