She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
