He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
