i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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