i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
