i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
