you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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