she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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