from now on my penis is your penis
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
