i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
