i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
