Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
