I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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