Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize