you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
