you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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