Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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