So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ugly people sure do ruin things
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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