it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk is not a location!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
