literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
