A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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