I will die if light touches me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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