Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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