Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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