You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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