I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
