so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
