how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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