Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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