All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
