Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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