I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
