So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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