She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
