How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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