Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
