I just found puke in my bra..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
