i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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