My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
