i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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