I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
whose parrot is this?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
