I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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