I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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