You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
