you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
