i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
