never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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