My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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