My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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