We got so high we made milksteak
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
