Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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