things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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