Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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