i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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