i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
