I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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