covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
